i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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