When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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