I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
