I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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