no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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