On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
