I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
