Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
