I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
