i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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