I can text with my tongue
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
