You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
