I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize