Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
