just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
