i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
