my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
