People with herpes should wear stickers.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
