Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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