can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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