4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
