how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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