Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Text me some of your sweat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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