So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
