That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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