hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Houston, we have a blender
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So. Much. Porn.
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