Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
