I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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