does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
