if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just google imaged poop.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
