some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
