he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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