She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my shit smells like andre
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
