Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
