he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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