What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
