I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
