oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
