she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
