I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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