you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
