if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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