I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
