I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
