The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
