I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
