So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
