there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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