we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
