Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
