My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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