I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
How external is "for external use only"?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
