the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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