to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
