Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
