how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
