Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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