Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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