Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
