rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
