the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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