Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
