last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
