That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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