you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
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normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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