you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
