Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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