She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
