im having a threesome with these popsicles
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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