dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
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His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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