i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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