I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
