the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
