Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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