he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
