what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
