you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
