just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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