oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
