you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
