girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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