Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
