I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
