Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
