so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize