My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
