Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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