i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
high people should be assigned attendants
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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