the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
