when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
