theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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